It’s been a very hard week around here. My grandma, who just turned 95, doesn’t have much longer with us. She has stopped eating, can hardly speak, rarely opens her eyes, and struggles to breathe. She has told us she’ll be going on a trip very soon and that she loves us very much. We’ve been driving to see her in the evenings, after work, but yesterday was the hardest day.
Nanie was very uncomfortable, anxious, struggling for breath, and clearly at the end of her life. I was so proud of my little girl and the way she handled herself. Most kids would be full of fear when they walk into a hospital and see their loved one hooked up to so many different machines and so obviously in distress. I imagined her shying away from Nanie, being a bit afraid. What she did instead made me feel so proud, hopeful, and heartbroken all at the same time.
My daughter, who tends to see the negative in things, was filled with delight at every little thing that made my grandma smile. She knows how much Nanie loves to have visitors and was absolutely gleeful to know she was the reason Nanie opened her eyes, tried to speak, reached out to grab her hand, or even tried to smile. She wasn’t focused on the fact that her great-grandma is dying. Instead, she delighted in the joy she was able to bring to someone other than herself. She was selfless, loving, and stronger than I could ever imagine a child to be.
The first thing she did was pull a chair as close as she could to Nanie. When that wasn’t close enough, she asked if she could sit on her bed. She held Nanie’s hand and asked her if she could open two eyes for her, lighting up when Nanie opened her eyes and smiled. There were hugs and kisses, even though there were tubes and needles. She had no fear, only love.
I could hardly see through the tears, watching them smile at each other. I sobbed. I got home and sobbed some more. My kids were strong and so grateful for the time they had with Nanie. It became very obvious that I’m CLEARLY not the strong one in the family.
My mom has been with her for 10-12 hours a day, smiling and talking to her, telling her how much we all love her, and listening to her sing hymns. She’s the strongest person I know. Maybe that’s where my little girl gets it.
Since being strong wasn’t going to happen for me, I did what I do best. I baked.
You see, my grandma has been trying to get something for everyone who walks into the room. She asks, with a very soft breath, if she can get you anything and looks around the room to see what she might have. She’s a hostess and she wants to make sure her friends and family are comfortable and well fed.. It’s what she’s always done.
I woke up at about 4:30 and couldn’t sleep anymore. Nanie’s cinnamon rolls were calling me. I got down the same bread basket we’ve used to hold her cinnamon rolls for the past 30 years, and I found her recipe for the rolls. I used her recipe, not my own, because this was a gift from her. I brought the rolls to hospital with me today and we were able to share them with visitors and hospital staff. My grandma knew I was there and spoke my name, but nothing more. She was peaceful today. People came back to thank us for the rolls and I knew my grandma was happy.
It was her basket, her recipe, her thought, and her heart. She just needed my hands.
Becca, you're a good girl. This moved me to sobs too. Thanks you for sharing and I am so sad that you have to walk this path right now. I'm thinking of you, your family and all of the goodness and wealth you'll be celebrating, and all of the sadness you have to process. I'll miss yu at work, but know that you have a hug waiting for you upon your return if you want it. <3
I am so sorry to read about your grandmother,she sounds like a wonderful person who won't be forgotten. I'm so touched that your daughter loves her great grandmother so much. I'll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Well written friend! I miss you a lot, and I am thinking of you and your family. Your grandma is no doubt proud of you!! Though the visits to the hospital are tough, you will never reget going and grandma will always know she is surrounded by love! Take care!!!
What a very touching testimony of Nanie and the legacy she has given the women in her family. I can see how much she is loved, a lucky lady. God Bless all of you!
Oh my Becca, you are in my thoughts and prayers and I just love your story. Take comfort in that she knows you are all surrounding her with love. Many hugs to you all tonight (((Hugs)))
Through each of you your Grandmother's legacy of caring and warmth is evident. Her love will live on even if her body can not. Thinking of you my friend.
A beautiful post.
Our prayers are with you!
Carla
Oh, Becca. Sounds like an amazing woman. And your daughter, how brave of her! Bake away, if that brings you comfort! Love to you and yours!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandma…she sounds like an amazing woman.
You are a very thoughtful person to bake those cinnamon buns.
My MIL is also 95 and has quit drinking and eating. She is in the hospital and no one knows what to do…she said she just cannot eat or drink anymore.
My husband who is the baby of the family…she was 45 when he was born. So he is a "mommy's boy"…and he is finding this so incredibly difficult knowing that without eating or drinking one cannot live. So we pray that God will take her quietly and then she will be reunited with her dh once again. They were married for almost 70 years.
So I will be praying for you and your family.
Hugs,
Connie
'She just needed my hands'. What a beautiful tribute.
Thank you so much for your beautiful description of a bittersweet visit….She sounds so very special and is blessed with a loving family. I am sure God is waiting with open arms and some day you will be rejoicing together!
Precious post. I am praying through tears for your family. This is such a hard time. God Bless. Hugs, Marty
I'm thinking of you and your family in this difficult time. <3
such a touching story! I wish you and your family all the best, hope you can stay strong!
It is wonderful that your daughter had no fear and climbed right up beside GGrandma on her bed. What a comfort little ones must be to those elderly who are at the end of their life – seeing young life moving in to pick up the baton. Thank you for sharing that with us.
Prayers for your family. That post was very touching and brought back memories of my own precious grandmothers.
It's so wonderful that your family is continuing to make special memories even as the end is nearing. Your little girl is going to have beautiful & loving memories that will definitely over-shadow the sad ones. Prayers and blessings to your family.
Becca – thank you for sharing your story. I am a "sobber" too and as I cried my way through your post I thought how lucky you and your family are to have such an amazing woman to call Nanie. Thinking of you and wishing you strength and your Nanie peace.